


NIGHTMARE

by girlinred



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 12:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15119468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlinred/pseuds/girlinred
Summary: Nightmares had plagued Utena ever since she had left Ohtori. Anthy comforts her one night.





	NIGHTMARE

The blaring, biting cacophony of blades hundreds of feet in the air haunted her. The ear-shattering clatter of steel and hatred above her had terrified her. She had never felt so helpless, so  _useless_ and it was a horrible, gut-wrenching realization that she couldn't do anything. (you're just a girl after all)

_Himemiya,_  she screamed, but the roar of swords above smothered her words and the searing pain in her abdomen suffocated her mobility. She was thrown in and out of consciousness, in and out of Ohtori. The bright white of her surroundings nauseated her, (she must have been blind) and glimpses of the swords ramming into Anthy (she couldn't see what Akio had done to her) fatigued her already broken mind.  She was fading fast, (she needed to save Anthy) her heart beating, (fluttering) pounding against her ribcage in the hopes that her chest would allow it to leave and do something to help Anthy. 

But her body betrayed her and kept it safely tucked and hidden away inside of her (it wasn't the first time she had been betrayed) _._  She would have thrown her guts up if they weren't already dangerously close to slipping out of her. The girl knew she was dying, knew she wasn't able to save Anthy. She couldn't be a prince. (but was that really such a good idea?) She had  _never_ been a prince.

_Himemiya_ , she howled once more. Familiar, treacherous fingers slid into her hair. A husky (she would fucking kill him) voice murmured into her ear. She inhaled the scent of vanilla, (the star was originally an angel-) her bitter hatred for the owner of the voice eclipsing even her sorrow for Anthy. 

_There's no need to play prince anymore_ , he sighed. (bastard) She shoved him away, yet he wouldn't let her go (-but chose to become the devil). She stumbled her way out of his grasp once more (she couldn't let him touch her) and he relented. The (plastic) prince ambled away, not a second thought given to her or Anthy. Perhaps it was easier for him to be numb when faced with the suffering (fucking bastard) he had caused. 

It was there that her nightmares ended, being so close to the goal but failing to reach Anthy (someday, together). She would wake up in the middle of the night, her bed empty (had she failed after all?) only to wander into the kitchen and see  _her_ preparing tea in the middle of the night.  _Chamomile, your favorite_ , she would ease Utena into a comfortable chair, narrowly avoiding Chu-Chu, who had been napping on it. 

"Another nightmare," Anthy said (she did not ask) and Utena nods. Anthy's eyes narrow.

"Do you ever get nightmares about Ohtori?"Utena was hesitant to bring it up (they never talked about Ohtori) but she was curious to know. Anthy did not recoil like expected.

Anthy swirls her spoon in her own cup (Utena couldn't recall if she had ever poured sugar) and looks into Utena's eyes.

"Yes," Her answer should have made Utena relieved but her brow furrows instead. "They aren't as frequent as yours, but I do have nightmares about what happened."

"Himemiya," She (almost choked) starts, but her wife raises a hand to stop her. 

"It wasn't your fault," She insists. Utena cocks an eyebrow, confused. 

"But I wasn't going to-"

"Yes, you were."

(she's cut off again) 

Anthy challenges Utena for a moment, a terse silence permeating in the air (Chu-Chu plays with Utena's spoon to avoid looking at them). Utena's shoulders slump forward and she sighs (she's lost this time). 

"I  _can't_ stop blaming myself," She admits. "I always... see you. Hurt. You're always in pain and I'm unable to help you. I can't stop thinking that if I hadn't been so stupid, you wouldn't've gotten hurt. Akio wouldn't have-"

"Stop it." 

Anthy's response is firm, but gentle. Utena blinks (once, twice) in surprise. Anthy had never interrupted her so many times in a row before. 

"I see  _you_ in my nightmares," Anthy concedes. "After I had betrayed you. You're on the ground and begging for me not to leave you. And then I'm torn away from you. When I was searching for you, I had thought more than once that you wouldn't want to see me again. I had thought that you would hate me for what I had done."

"But I could never hate you," Utena's shoulders tremble (her face has become wet) and she shakes her head. "That wasn't your fault! Akio was manipulating you. You were a child. You thought you were doing what was right."

"And so did you."

Utena grips her tea cup harder. Her reflection in the tea has puffy eyes (a tear slides down into the drink) and Anthy closes the space between the two by placing a hand on Utena's cheek and her lips on her wife's forehead. 

"It's okay," She says. Utena cries harder.

"I love you," Utena sobs. "Please, don't ever think I don't."

Anthy's lips find hers (she could marvel at how soft they are) and silence blankets the two. Utena hears Anthy sniffle herself and stops the kiss to wipe away her tears. Utena couldn't ever imagine hating her (if anything, Anthy should hate Utena). She holds Anthy (she doesn't want to let go) for a long time. Chu-Chu adds a sugar cube to Utena's drink and she glances at the clock (she yawns). The sun would be up in a short while. 

"Let's go back to bed," Utena finally says. Anthy nods at the proposal, and the three shuffle their way back to their room. When finally in bed, Utena wraps Anthy in her arms (a rose-scented embrace) and she nestles her face in the crook of her neck. Her fingers graced her wife's violet locks (they might have been even softer than her lips) and that night, she had a restful, dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> happy fucking pride month bitches


End file.
